The Wall

Everyone has heard of the wall, of hitting the wall, pushing through the wall, climbing over the wall. Its not an unknown idea to any of us. Still I have to wonder how many of us have actually hit the wall, or really even caught sight of it?

Ill be the first to confess here, I haven't. I've never pushed myself to the point where I thought I was at “The Wall” and I'm kind of ashamed to admit it. Of course one doesn't get to be a Fat Guy on an Orange Bike by getting comfortable with the territory surrounding the wall. I had a good workout today and I am getting stronger even if I feel like my numbers are so much lower than someone who has been riding as long as I have. 

7-3-12 - 4.18 Miles 26:18
7-4-12 - 4.59 Miles 19:30
7-6-12 - 5.30 Miles 31:33
7-7-12 – 12.38 Miles 65:00 
7-9-12 - 7.00 Miles 36:30

I can tell myself that these are good numbers for someone my age, my size, blah blah blah. But the truth is that what these numbers show me is that the reason I'm still this size and this slow is that I don't push myself. I'm afraid to really push myself, to see what would happen if I really tried, if I really went all out, if I did stupid things and rode stupid rides I didn't think I could finish. I'm scared to get out of my comfort zone. I'm scared to face that wall and find out what it will show me about myself.

I don't like the idea of living in fear. But I'm not sure what to do about it.

I want to say I'm gonna go out there and push myself twice as hard.
I want to say I'm gonna stare down that wall and make it my bitch.
I want to say I'm gonna stare into a mirror and shout “Rule 5!!!” until it shatters.

But if History is any guide, I don't know if I'll manage any of that.