Treasure Your Love

This post isn't bike related but I have been going through a lot in the past few months and I have to do something while it is single digit degrees out there.

(Come on warmer weather!)

Today was writers group at the library by my house and after a long break we are back with a vengeance (4 people suck on that!) We had a valentine's prompt and I was not looking forward to it but it worked out well. It seems the inside me knew more about what was going on with me the outside me. I was expecting the usual "love sucks" to come flowing out of me. What I got instead made me realize that just maybe I've started liking myself just a little. Enjoy

Treasure your love
You only get so much
and when it’s gone
It’s Gone

Don’t ask
Don’t Tell
Don’t feel
Don’t care
Just act

Just reach out
Just take a Freaking chance

A chance to smile
A chance to cry
A chance to change
Take a Freaking Chance
Any Chance

To take this day after day
of so called life
and make it your Bitch
Or better yet
Trade Life for living
Trade safety for Uncertainty

You know that feeling
“That everything is OK”
Dead people feel that
Smile for no reason
Love without Question
Stare into the Sun

Treasure your Love
Wonder where you’ll sleep tonight?
Or better yet with who?
Go hungry
Get drunk
Find a pretty Girl so out of your class it hurts
and Kiss her.

That’s right
all bets are off now

This is real
180 proof
It burns going down
But it keeps me warm
Life

No nets
No waivers
No backup plans
Just the idea that life’s worth living

Just the idea that life is worth living
Is so foreign as to cause palpitations
And
“Could you hand me my inhaler, thanks”

Treasure your love
Become a memory
Create a story
That one time when
you did that thing that was really stupid
and you have no idea why you're still alive and out of jail
Yeah
Do it again.

Be reckless
Live life
Because you only get so much
And when its gone
Its Gone

Momentum

Momentum

It's what I lack. I have been trying to ride more and strangely enough I have only managed to ride less over the last month. I know what the problem is, it is simple. I have the chance to get off my ass and on my bike and instead I stay on my ass and don't get on my bike. No excuses, no blaming this or that fact, not even blaming the wet or too hot weather.

I am suffering from a lack of momentum, and I, like every other non-quantum body in the universe is subject to Newton's laws of motion. In this case the first law which states.

First law: 
An object remains at rest or at a constant velocity (uniform motion), with respect to an inertial reference frame, unless acted upon by a force.

Right now I am suffering under the tyranny of the first law. I am that object of rest and I have surrounded myself with walls, fences, and security to make sure I stay at rest.

Momentum
Newton's first law of motion states
An object at rest remains at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force.

I am rest

tying to find the force that moves me.
I know this.
And still I go home and walk past my bike
like walking past a homeless man
I'm Afraid to make eye contact for fear that
I'll end up giving more than my change.
that I'll have to make a change
not in how I see the world
but in how I see
Me
I make all those lame excuses
For not getting on that bike and going for a ride.
for not embracing the love that changed my life
for finding that love, that change, like everything worthwhile,
is a struggle, and I struggle with myself, battling like drunken frat boys throwing roundhouse superman punches made of kryptonite that shatters and scatters all around me. poisoning not just me but those caring enough or stupid enough to be standing to close.
so I make grand plans and pray to God I'll never have to follow thru
I listen to the crap that flows from my mind and out of my mouth
flowing downhill and over me before I can escape
and I wonder just what the hell is going on.
just why am I sitting in this room writing?
when I could be outside.
just why the hell am I watching the sun go down from a window
when I could be watching it from the top of the hill

Bicycle Dreams - Full Version

Photo Credit: Transporte Ativo via Compfight cc

Here is the full "finished" version of the poem. I say "Finished" since I am always tweaking and changing my poems. Especially if I get the chance to perform them live. (Not often) Here is the Poem, if I can find a way to record it and post it I will do so.


Bicycle Dreams

Trapped,
The walls of my cubicle close in on me.

Institutional incarceration

4 walls - 40 hours - 5 days
Indoors, while sun and wind mock me
During all too short lunchtime reprieves
The dreams begin - Bicycle dreams
Dreams of escape and freedom
Dreams of trails trees and sharrows
Sitting at my desk
I hear the ticking of the chain
I hear the hum of the rubber on the road
I dream of escaping these walls
I dream Bicycle Dreams

2 wheels - 24 gears - and open skies
Dreams of inconsequential destinations and
Life changing journeys.
Trying to get lost and working at staying that way
Lost to the world, Lost with my friends
Each of us dreaming our bicycle dreams separately
Together.
Dreams fulfilled of trails taken
Dreams regretted of those passed by
Nightmares of hills of climbing to the stars
And descending into the valleys
Wind whipped and laughing giving voice to silent dreams.

Bicycle dreams - Frames dancing
multicolored fantasies of steel and carbon
sliding across sunset skies on
whispered wheels of wishes
On tubes like hearts
once broken
now

Pulled out
Patched and
RePlaced
Made stronger for the damage

Bicycle dreams
outpacing reality and its fear
outpacing my weak and feeble excuse for a life

A life
that clings to me,
           drags at me
                  pulls me to the side.

That weak and feeble excuse for a life
That lies to me
That tells me

I’m too old
          I’m too slow
                I’m too fat

Half truths that taunt me in my weakness
I am Old, Slow and Fat
But I get on my bike and ride
And thats no dream

Im thinking I would really like to make a video to go along with this.

Napowrimo day 12

"Alone"
I should be used to it
I should embrace it
I never will
Detest is what comes to mind
I'm alone
Never good enough
Never worth it
To much a friend
For my own good
I find myself
Imprisoned
Knowing better
Yet blindly pretending
Believing the lies
I tell myself
To get myself thru
Another day
I can believe them
no more

Napowrimo day 9

"Smile"
I could live
Within your smile
Or die
without it
your smile
Sings
A sunrise
Baby's laughter
The melody
Of your smile

I hear it
And I know you're close
I smile in return
Mine
a feeble reflection
A faded memory
Of scratch and dent
Hopes and dreams
Still I smile

Napowrimo day 7 "Broken"

"Broken"
I feel broken
Like something missing
Like you're missing
But that's not it
You're not missing
I'm broken
There's a difference
I've made my choice
I chose you
Choosing broke me
I knew it would
Broken
Not
killed
I remain unchanged
Your friend
Love you

Napowrimo day 6 "attached"

"Attached"
Attached can be
Over rated
Can be
Painful
Can be
A pain in the ass

Attached
Can be
Beautiful
So I've heard
Never seen it
Myself

Only the wreckage
Twisted forms
Broken hearts
Tears and sullen smiles
And lies

Lies like
"No, I'm fine"
Like
"Its all for the best"
Like
"I love you"

Like I said
Attached is overrated

Napowrimo day 5 "I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry"
I feel like this
Conflicted
What I know
And
What I feel
Battle within me
I'm sorry
I need to figure
Where I stand
I'm sorry
Still I remain
Doing the best I can
still
I'm sorry

Napowrimo #4 Hope

"Hope"
Hope is
a suckers bet
God's punchline
That thing I feel
Only when its gone
I try not to gave them
But they find me anyway
They lift me up
So they can throw me down
Heal my wounds
To rip them open again
Bring me peace
To show me what it is
I can't have

Napowrimo day 3 - in your eyes

"Your eyes"
I could be cliche
Speaking of deep pools
Stars and midnight
But that wouldn't do

I could be poetic
And tell you how
I get lost in your eyes
Forgetting myself
In their wonder
And beauty

But that wouldn't do

I'm not lost in your eyes
But found
It is there
In their shadow I find
Myself more myself
Than ever

Not lost but I live
Alive
In tour eyes